When I was a young mother with only two children, I struggled with the question, “Should we have another child?” My husband and I actually made this question quite a dilemma before we had our fourth and fifth children also. As mothers, we often catch “baby fever,” after we already have a few children. Our friends and family tell us how blessed we are, but that we shouldn’t have any more. We should be content with the children we already have, they say. The best way to combat baby fever is to briefly hold acquaintance’s babes and then quickly hand them back to their mommas.
Oh, how I used to struggle with this! Childlessness has been glamorized in our culture. I actually felt selfish for desiring more children, which is what God created my body to do! He did not create women to have only one or two children…he created us to be capable of childbearing from our teens up into our forty’s…we can quickly do the math and discover that during that time frame most of our bodies can bring forth more than one to two children into this world even when taking pregnancy term and breastfeeding into account.
If you already have a few children and would like more, than this is for you. I understand that your fertility is honestly none of my business, and is something that is between you, your husband, and God. Please do not misunderstand and think that I’m trying to push my beliefs on you, because I’m honestly not. I would like to offer hope to those who long to have more children and do not understand why.
Worthy are you, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honor and power, for you created all things, and by your will they existed and were created.
Revelation 4:11
Sometimes we have desires in our heart that are worldly and are not of God. But oftentimes God Himself places desires and longings into our very being. Revelation 4:11 brings me such comfort, mommas. Through this verse, I know that if I feel a longing for another child and then fall pregnant God willed for it to be so. He gave me the desire to have more babies, and He willfully created them as part of His plan. The KJV says Revelation 4:11 this way:
Thou art worthy, O Lord, to receive glory and honour and power: for thou hast created all things, and for thy pleasure they are and were created.
Not only has God willed for you to bring forth life if you become pregnant, your sweet baby was created for His pleasure! This just amazes me, and it sounds so different than “worldly wisdom,” doesn’t it? We can know that bringing forth children is not of us, but of God. And who is to argue with God?
I look at my children every day and am just amazed that the Lord chose me to be their mother. I couldn’t imagine my life without knowing any of these wonderful little people, and I am so thankful that He gave me the desire to bring them into this world. All glory, and honor, and power go to Him!
So mommas, do not fear what your parents, or in-laws, or friends might say if you fall pregnant. Cling to this verse, and remember that the Lord is 100% behind it. It is not of you, but of Him.
I am going through this right now. I have an 8 year old, an 18 month old, and a 3 month old (all boys), but I have a tugging inside me to have more. When I was pregnant with my 3rd, my dad literally said to me, “now, keep it zipped”, after I shared our excitement and surprise about finding out we were expecting another boy. My heart hurt terribly when he said that. My husband and I plan on having at least one more, if God wills it. I would love even more! The outside comments do hurt me though.
I’m so here. God really took hold of my heart several years ago when it comes to turning our family size over to Him. He has even reminded me of the many ways He has spoken this truth to me since I was a little girl. I mourn the sweet blessings I have turned away! And now, at 38, I am so very grateful for the three amazing children we have, and that we have not had any surgeries to prevent babies. And while my dear husband hasn’t said an all out “no” to more, he hasn’t been convicted as I have been. I’m praying for our hearts to be in agreement with God’s, and that their be no strife between us. I pray, pray, pray, and pray some more. My husband knows my desire and beliefs. He loves me, he loves our Father. I’m grateful to know that mamas keep having babies into their forties, and just how incredible our God is 🙂
I JUST found out I am pregnant with my 4th!! Our 3rd baby is 8.5 months old, so we were very surprised to find out, but we are so thankful!! I am so excited about this new life God has given me, but being honest, that excitement is dampened a little when I think about telling friends/family, worried about what their reaction will be and what they will say about us. Shameful, I know because we are so blessed that we are growing our family, and I am very proud of our family. We have had a family member that has insinuated that we are “animals” and not very intelligent for not “stopping” our kids from happening. It is hurtful-I can never imagine saying anything about the number of children anyone has, I would never ask someone why they “only” have 2 kids. It is none of my business!!! We will continue to let the Lord lead us in our decisions, whether that means more children or if we have the number God has chosen to give to our family. God Bless you all!!
Congratulations on your pregnancy! I fully celebrate with you and share your joy!
Many sincere congratulations to you, blessed Mama. Truly.
I’ve been struggling with this too. I have 2 children and #3 is due in a few short weeks. Part of me would really like to be done having babies but then part of me looks at the beautiful babies I already have and I think how nice it would be to have a few more …
I am right in the midst of this. I have four children, ages 6, 4, 4, and 2. Two girls, two boys. Almost everyone says how we should be done. “What a perfect number! Two of each!” But, I have a desire for a large family. I could have two more, easily.
My husband is the other one that’s going to take convincing. He doesn’t seem to think we can afford another. We’d have to get a bigger car (possibly a 15-passenger due to all of the car seats), our house is too small (we have a three bedroom/two and a half bath that isn’t really that small at all. Not big, but definitely not small.). I have faith that God will always provide our needs, He always has. We’re a single income family and we aren’t rich, but we have our needs and sometimes things we don’t need.
Right now my prayer is that God either changes MY heart or my husband’s heart. And that if we do, in fact, have more I can deal with the rude comments with grace. 🙂
Thank you for this post! I am pregnant with my 4th right now and my kids are 7,5,3 (plus a 5 year old foster son). We thought we were done “making babies”, but still planned to grow our family through adoption. After some prayerful consideration, we decided that God was calling us to foster, but not pursue adoption. Our first foster placement almost a year ago, was a 3 month old baby girl. If I thought she would cure my baby fever, I was dead wrong! After she went home, I knew we weren’t done. We are so happy to be having more and I love being pregnant. Unfortunately, I am sometimes racked with guilt that we could be doing more for children already in need and by having more children we are ignoring that. I know this is a lie from the enemy, but it is a powerful one. Does anyone else struggle with this?
Thank you for sharing this; it really hit home for me! Especially this >> “Childlessness has been glamorized in our culture.” Money and material things rank much higher than children in this culture. That’s for sure!
After our son was born, I was asked how many children we would like to have and, generally, the reaction to wanting a big family was not positive. My husband and I have a 7 1/2 month old at home now and would love to have more! More children will be a lot of work and it’s intimidating to think about, but they are a blessing from the Lord and are worth the work.
God has used marriage and having our first child to shape my character and to help me to grow more like Jesus. I can’t say I always enjoy having my character shaped, but I do want to grow in godliness every day!
Loved this post and reading the comments. We have 4 children (4,3,2,9months) and a few heaven babies and my heart deeply desires more children. Like many of the readers, my husband – while not completely opposed – is certainly content with our family size for now. He has voiced his desire to adopt two more children in 3-4 years (when the biological babies won’t be so needy) and I love his desire to grow our family in that way… but my heart still longs for another biological child too. I have to search my heart for any idols that might be hidden in my desires for having more children. While being open to life is great… seeking my fulfillment and purpose in anything outside of Christ is not. I’m rambling, but the point is I am praying Jeremiah 32:39 over us which states, “I will give them singleness of heart and action, so that they will always fear me and that all will then go well for them and for their children after them.” I am confident that, over His time, He will lead my husband and I towards a singleness in heart and action over growing our family through adoption or biological children… or through both! 🙂
I read all the comments. God is good and he provides us with such beautiful blessing of babies growing in our womb. To God be the glory! I hear you ladies and how it does break your heart when people say negative ugly things about your family size. We have 4 boys and 1 more boy on the way. He was an extra surprise blessing and I am so glad! Because I prayed and felt a strong conviction to let the Lord determine our family size. A year later we were pregnant. Funny, how its family members who express their rude opinions. I have been told my parents to make sure you take care of business so there are no more babies, from other family members that we can’t control the children we have know….it is very heart breaking but I trust in the lord and His plans for my family! God bless all you ladies and your families. Only the Lord knows what is best for our family!
This article was written just for me! I’m expecting baby number 5 next month and so many people have had horrible remarks with this pregnancy and my last one. My kids are 14, 8, 6 and 3. My husband and I have agreed that this one is our last due in part to space and money constraints but also because if we didn’t I would probably feel a pull for one or two more (I’m only 34 and can easily have more). When we discussed my strong desire for another baby back in march my husband was on board with it, saying we would try and see what happened. God wanted no question at all because we were pregnant the next week! His timing is perfect and I believe He does have a sense of humor because going by cycles and all of that we were pregnant five days before we agreed on having another baby!
We have five children ages 8 and younger. With our youngest being 9 months old now we know that the possibility of another baby soon is be real. I am so thankful that my husband and I are on the same page when it comes to allowing God to control our family size! But the comments from friends and family are so very hurtful that I am terrified to have to make an announcement. We have decided that if we are blessed again my husband will let people know so that I don’t have to deal with the stress. His protection of me emotionally is such a blessing. I
Amen, amen and AMEN!! We fell to the “encouragement” to have a vasectomy after my fourth child was born. Very-long-testimony-with-God-aaaaall-over-it later, we felt convicted to have it reversed a few years ago. And in God’s abundant and undeserving mercy and grace, he blessed us again with two precious, precious baby girls in back-to-back pregnancies. They are such a light to this family, and we would definitely welcome more if the Lord chooses to bless. People *will* think that you’re crazy when you go against the world, but when you set your resolve to fix your eyes upon Him alone, all of the opinions and naysayer’s remarks will fade and you’ll be left with the peace that passes all understanding. <3
We have 4 kids 8 and under. My husband woukd be fine with as many kids as God gives us. He is a great Dad. Our families love them, and will love any more that come…. But I’ve been encouraged to “get my life/house/business in order before we have any more. We live in a small house and are small business owners struggling with debt right now. Even though I know a baby is the easiest thing in the world to adapt into our lives (at least our other children have been), and that it doesn’t need to be expensive to have children, I feel guilty wishing for more babies. Also, there are days like today, where the kids drive me bananas and I hiss at them in the grocery store and I say and do the wrong thing… Afterward I feel so undeserving of even the children I do have. How do I clearly see/know God’s will for us in our family size? I am overwhelmed often, yet I still want more. How does this make sense?
We have 5 girls (ages 8, 6, 4, 2, and 1). Our 5th was a surprise blessing while we were planning/contemplating my husband having a vasectomy. I am now 24 weeks pregnant with our 6th, a boy. While we were not “trying” either way, we are truly blessed to have another baby.
Most of the reactions to this pregnancy were so hurtful, even from family members. We live in a section of the country where there are very few families with more than 2 or 3 children. When we had 4 children we would get stares and comments all of the time. Now we can not walk through church, a restaurant, or a grocery store without being stopped or stared at numerous times. Very rarely do we get hurtful or sarcastic comments. But I really do need to get a t-shirt that says, “Yes, they are all mine!”.
The decision to have more children is very personal – between you, your husband, and God.
Thank you for sharing! You said it so well…. 🙂
As a mama of 7, I’ve asked myself this question so often and yet I still desire more children. I use to wonder if it was just because I was not content with what I had, but I see it is a God given desire and I rest in knowing that each child is a precious gift from God. Each baby is created for His own pleasure, just like I was! 🙂
Thank you for the post. I have a 15 year old and now a 10 month old son. We felt that God has truly blessed us with our son and would like to have another child. However, I am constantly being told not to by family simply because of my age (39). How lucky we were not to have an abnormal child, how selfish we are because we are too old to be able to care for our children. That it’s a form of child abuse. I find comments like these hurtful and sad. We are aware of the ” statistics” and are as prepared as we can be. I am a better mother to my son than I ever was to my daughter.
All 3 of my children were “surprises”, GOOD surprises! 🙂 We’ve been preparing to move and serve overseas for a few years now, and have finally just arrived. Our departure date was delayed twice because of pregnancy. But Baby #3 (now 6 months old) has such an amazingly happy & content disposition, that going from 2 to 3 kids was not as stressful as we anticipated since he is actually our little stress-reliever!
Hi there,
I’m coming from a much different place than most of your readers… What do you do when you DON’T feel that longing?
I’m newly married (5 months!), and plunged right into motherhood with an 11 year-old. He has been quite a challenge, but I do love him dearly and AM his mom basically, as his biological mother is sort of absent…. My husband and I just aren’t sure if we want anymore. We never got that “newlywed” phase, and neither of us grew up dreaming of being parents. It just doesn’t feel natural.
However, our boy has been expressing desire for a sibling…and there is a part of us that thinks we would like to have a child together… But honestly, we’re also a little selfish. I KNOW, the glamorization of childlessness…but that’s why I’m here. I WANT to feel differently about children, but I just don’t right now. It seems sooo stinkin’ hard… I don’t know if I can do it. I’m too introverted, need too much alone time, am too selfish, get tired so easily…
Any words of wisdom totally appreciated… thank you mamas. 🙂
Kay
Hi Kay, I’m not sure if this will help you but I used to feel the exact same way. I never envisioned having children, and it took me having my first child before falling in love with the idea of becoming a mother. I’m sure that you have heard this before, but there is something different about having a biological child. There seriously is. While other children can be bothersome at times, my own, generally, are not to me. 🙂 Blessings to you as you seek answers.
Thanks Nicole for your answer… It’s especially helpful to me now as I found out 2/17 that I am pregnant!!! Though we were unsure, obviously God has other plans… And we’ve been surprisingly very excited! Thank God for that. So… that answers that. 😉
Oh man, Idk this might be the first post I am kind of in disagreement with you. Because one must be responsible. Kids are expensive. It is responsible to think of the quality of life that you are giving the children you already have and how adding another will affect that. For instance food and clothing is just one small thing. I myself have been wanting another child, we have 2, a 6 year old daughter and a 2.5 year old son, and I have ‘baby fever’ and have for some time now, but my husband does not. He says our son is a handful, and also we have no room in our house we are already outgrowing this one and in no financial position to get another one. Also, as fast as the kids grow right now we struggle sometimes to keep them in nice clothes and shoes lol. So I understand what my husband means, while I would love to have a big family (I was the first of 6) I dont think we will have that. I am 30 and being submissive to my husband I am not going to stop taking my birth control and trick him or anything like that. I think that in this society its different than when a ‘village’ literally did help raise your kids, and the points that my husband makes are very valid. So although I do really want another, actually 2 or more Id be happy with!!! I have to be realistic as well and think of these things and my children I have now as well 🙂
Yes, I understand where you are coming from. Over many years The Lord has worked on both me and my husband to have an “eternal” perspective. The only two things that will last in this world are God’s Word and people. Everything else will fade. I also cling to Revelation 4:11. If I become pregnant, I know that it isn’t because I willed it, but because God did. And who am I to argue with God’s plan? We should always be in submission to our husbands, but to me, pills and IUDs can be abortifacients and that is sin to me. So if any prevention is taking place, it would have to be on his end. 🙂 We also do not depend on a village to raise our children. We are a family of 8 (soon to be 9!) who does not go out to eat much, shops at Goodwill for clothes, and lives in a 3 bedroom home. But I truly wouldn’t have it any other way, and our kiddos love having each other. Blessings to you!
I actually shared this post with my husband and it changed his mind on having more children. I am very happy with that! As I said I have wanted another for a very long time. I stopped taking my birth control, as I realize that yes it should be Gods will, but I talked to my husband about it first and shared this post. I do have to ask how you have 3 bedrooms and how they are shared with the children, like where do you plan to have the new baby sleep? and what will you do when they get older, dont state laws require (well some of them anyways) for older children to have their own rooms? Anyways I am excited that this post and hearing this perspective changed my husbands mind, I am worried still though about finances. But as you said we can always change things like not eatting out much, and yes we can shop at thrift stores. I am guilty of giving my children the ‘best’ because I grew up sort of poor and remember being made fun of at school for not having the best clothes, ext. but since our children are also homeschooled as of this year this wont be an issue for us. I am interested in learning more about this though. God bless!
Wow Tara, that is incredible! For our bedrooms, we have a girls room (3 girls) a boys room (2 boys), and our 19-month-old still rooms with my husband and I. When the new baby comes we will move our youngest either in with the girls (she will be 2) or we will convert our office/school room into a room for the two youngest girls since it is adjacent to our master bedroom. We have built in bookshelves in there, and I would plan on keeping the books in place, but would maybe put a curtain over them. We will have to see. 🙂 Thankfully our bedrooms aren’t really tiny. I would love to share this post with you from Large Families on Purpose on how they organize their 1100 square foot home with a family of 11! It really inspired me, I used to be of the mindset of “a room for every child.” http://www.largefamiliesonpurpose.com/2011/04/large-families-on-purpose-our-home.html God bless!
I am in complete agreement with you. Children are an absolute blessing and I would love nothing more than to have a household of them. If only my body would cooperate. I did not meet and marry my husband until my thirties, and in our marriage we have experienced both infertility struggles and pregnancy loss. We now have two children on earth and three in Heaven. I have a heart for a large family, and would love more children if God would allow it. If not, we are content with the precious souls He has entrusted to us.
My heart aches for another baby we have 3 kids( 9,6,2) but my husband is against the idea. I wish I knew how to change his mind. It breaks my heart and I have to struggle not to become bitter. I wish I knew what to do.
We can have more children through foster or adoption.
This article is very much an encouragement to me. People tend to make me feel as though I am doing something wrong, with the choices I made in my life. I gave birth to five children and am raising four so far (one died). The thing is I do want more, we have been asked many times if we are finished now, as though having many children is a burden. Some people even come off as though they feel sorry for me, being stuck at home with all these children all day long. I love my life. The only part of my life I don’t like very much is having to deal with people trying to force their worldly views on me, like I am the one living my life wrong.
How does it not cheapen each child you have, to just keep having more and more and more. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to have a million kids (provided you can care for them without government assistance) , but don’t pretend for a moment that women like Michelle Duggar have a close relationship with each one of their children.
Hi, I definitely cannot speak for Michelle Duggar since I do not know her. But I can promise you that children can never be “cheapened.” Love grows, and their worth is found in Christ, who paid the ultimate price for them. They are worth more than gold, whether they come from a family with no siblings or twenty! God bless!