As soon as I stepped foot into our local Kid to Kid consignment store I heard her. Sobs coupled with hacking coughs wracked her slight frame in the toy section. I discreetly moved along while holding my breath, hoping the germs in the air didn’t blow my way. (Selfish, I know.) Her mother tried her best to convince the two-year-old to move along to the clothing amid her protests.
“Look, we are bringing along a toy! Sit right here while I shop for your clothes.” The mother plopped a toy in the floor, while looking at the toddler with pleading eyes. I shifted slightly down the aisle with my growing pile of girly toddler clothing.
She ran screaming in the other direction.
The mother retrieved her a second time while the child’s hacking coughs grew even worse. “I NEED FOR YOU TO STOP THIS RIGHT NOW! I HAVE TO BUY YOU CLOTHES FOR DAY CARE, AND LOOK HOW YOU’RE ACTING!”
Oh. I paused as my heart clenched for the little girl. A few minutes later, I realized I felt for the mom too. I’ve been a single mom before, and it was only by God’s grace that I was always able to keep my children home with me during that time frame.
Connecting with our children is a full time job. It’s not to say that the mother’s employment caused her daughter’s screaming fit (my three-year-old could have given her a run for her money), but our little ones really need us to be available to them at all times.
As mothers, there are so many things that we provide to our little guys! To name just a few…
Security
Studies have shown that children resolve the conflict of trust vs. distrust during their first year of life. As a psychology major, this was drilled into my head ALL.THE.TIME. Babies form attachments with their caregivers during their early years, and if a caregiver leaves they feel deserted and lose their trust. Subconsciously, how this conflict is resolved affects the way they handle trust in relationships for the remainder of their lives.
A soft place to land
Children need us to be available to them as they navigate their environments and encounter problems. Young infants and toddlers especially are drawn to their main-attachment (usually mom), when sad, scared, or troubled, and if she isn’t available at the time, this adds to their level of “dis-trust.”
A listening and comforting ear
As children grow older, sometimes they need to talk out the feelings they are experiencing. And they need to talk it out NOW. If mom isn’t available, they can begin to repress their feelings. A mother’s comfort is so very important, and The Lord even compares it to the comfort He gives! In Isaiah 66:13, the prophet as God’s mouthpiece writes, “As one whom his mother comforts, so I will comfort you.”
In Titus 2:4, the older women are instructed to, “teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children…” Loving our children (and husbands) involves a sacrificial love, which I’m sure you are well aware of! In a perfect world, this sacrificial love should guide us in our decision making regarding working outside of the home.
I understand that sometimes we may feel like we have no choice but to work an outside job. Let’s pray for God’s grace to meet us where we are, and guide us as we navigate parenting our children. If it is the Lord’s will for us to stay at home, He will provide a way. He is faithful.
I can testify that staying at home with my children isn’t the cure-all for every life problem. I still struggle. My children still struggle. This is part of living in a sin-drenched world. However, I know without a doubt that being at home offers my children a level of security that they would not experience if I left each day.
At the same time, I realize that physical presence means little if we’ve emotionally checked out for the day. I’ve been there, too!
I pray that we can come along each other and encourage one another to give our children the best we can offer them. Sometimes this requires sacrifices. Some of them great, and some of them small. In the end, we can rest assured that we will never regret devoting our time and resources to our children.
What a good post. Thank you for sharing this. I agree 100%. I love my mothering career that has spanned across 28 years so far! I have many more to go and I thank God it is not something I dread, but patiently look forward to! And may I glorify Him in everything.
Thank you Christi!
Mothering is a more than full time job! Really great thoughts. I had never read about babies forming trust in their first year of life, but it makes sense. It’s so important to really be there for our children.
Yes, it is. 🙂 Thank you so much for stopping by!
I absolutely agree! Raising our children is a full time job. My two are teenagers now and even though they are out of the baby and toddler stage they need me in other areas of their life. Especially dealing with peer pressure. Great post!
Yes, our children always need us! Thank you so much for sharing. 🙂
Amen! My last two nestlings are 14 and 16, but even so, my hands are full! Especially now that I have a grandboy to visit and help with!
Thank you for sharing and for stopping by, Michele!
So thankful for the passion you have to invest in your little ones! A full-time commitment to home is rare~ With our eyes focused on the Creator, we can serve our families well at home ~ So thankful for His strength on days when it is difficult! So glad I connected with your space through the Proverbs linkup!
Elizabeth
thislittlehomeofmine.com
Thank you for stopping by, Elizabeth!
It’s not a full time job…it’s a full time job with mandatory overtime every week and no sick days or vacation days. Hardest job on the planet.
I’m sorry but this is horribly unfair, both to moms and dads. Because, if we follow your logic, than children can NEVER trust or rely on their fathers because father must leave them during the day to work. That is unfair to dads and makes no sense. And your logic also says that even if mother stays home full time to provide that trust and security….and the child still grows up and chooses a negative path in adulthood, well, it’s all Mother’s fault. And it also implies that mom can never, ever leave her child, even for a few hours lest the child somehow “lose trust.” Really??
I believe children can develop trust and bond with and find security in multiple caregivers. That includes daycare providers. And their father. The ability of a child to trust the adults in their life is NOT dependent on mother staying home full time. It is, however, dependent on the quality of all of a child’s relationships with adults, however many hours in a day they last.
This isn’t my logic, but Erikson’s first stage of psychological development called Trust vs. Mistrust. It is widely taught and proven in psychology. I hold a degree in psychology. Of course the child can attach to more than one person, but we have absolutely no control over if our child’s caregivers quit their jobs, are fired, new caregivers are hired, etc. As mothers, we are called by God to be our children’s full time caregivers. As our kids main attachment, they are damaged when we leave them each day during infancy. I’m unapologetic in this fact. As mothers, we do have a lot to consider!
A quick link from Wikipedia, which I know isn’t the best resource, but at the moment it’s easy for me to look up:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erikson%27s_stages_of_psychosocial_development
Taken from Wikipedia:
Approximate Age: Infancy 0-1 years
Virtue: Hope
Psychosocial crisis: Basic trust vs. mistrust
Significant relationship: Mother
Existential question: Can I trust the world?
Examples: Feeding, abandonment
Thank you for stopping by.