Stop Walking in the Curse!

For a little while now, I’ve been studying marriage, and how I can become a better wife to my husband.  Yes, I’ve been married to my amazing husband for over twelve years now.  And yes, this is obviously my second marriage.  (I was a widow for a short time.) You would think I’d be a pro by now.

But unfortunately, I most am definitely not!  My husband Rusty is pretty much the greatest.  Yes, he has his flaws, but don’t we all?  Anyhow, we have grown to learn each others strengths and weaknesses over the years, and overall, I feel like we have a strong marriage.

But…I like to feel like I have control over every situation in our lives.  I like to “wear the pants.”  I’ve really been convicted of this recently, and I think I know why.

In the garden of Eden, part of the curse that was befallen to women was that we would want to control our husbands, but they would rule over us.  This controlling need that I feel is a curse!

In our culture, this curse is celebrated.  We ladies are told that we are to be strong, to be assertive.  To be controlling.

But as a new creation in Christ, I don’t want to walk in this any longer.  I want to joyfully submit to my husband, as the church is told to submit to Christ.  This teaching is counterintuitive, and it feels wrong to those of us who have become desensitized to our culture.  Just as Satan deceived Eve, I fear that he is doing the same exact thing now by deceiving ladies.  He tells us that our controlling tendencies are a good thing.  This is simply awful!  The deceiver is pulling ladies away from their Biblical roles, and to a place where they pit themselves against their husbands.  Marriages are being destroyed, and families are being torn apart.

One of the best gifts we could ever give to our children is two married parents who love and care for one another.  Children whose parents are married are much more likely to succeed in life.  They need this stability.

Learning about this teaching has been hard for me.  At first I wondered why something that came so natural to me (control) could be wrong.  The fact of the matter is, many times my fleshy impulses are wrong.  Once I realized this, I began to make a change. It might sound crazy, but I’ve found that such a calming peace is available to me if I step into my Biblical role as a wife.

I’ve been testing this out the last few weeks.  I’ve determined to not be controlling when it came to my husband, and our household has run much more smoothly.  If we have differing opinions, I  I’ve stopped trying to be his Holy Spirit.  Have I had to bite my tongue at times?  That’s a big yes!  But I pray that with God’s help becoming a supportive and submissive wife will become easier for me.

Thank you so much for stopping by! I would love to connect with you on Facebook. I’d also like to invite you to my Mary & Martha Facebook Page, and to my Mary & Martha website. It is a such a blessing to serve you!

9 thoughts on “Stop Walking in the Curse!

  1. ohappydaysblog says:

    I appreciate the timeliness of two of your most recent articles (this and the one about women teaching doctrine). It takes guts to say such things in today’s feminist Christian world. Your doctrine article prompted a great deal of thinking on my part. And for the most part, it was truly a relief to me. I have NEVER cared for women’s ministry, at least the way it is typically done. It never dawned on me that such a thing as women teaching Biblical doctrine could be the underlying reason for my disdain. (Sometimes I have a hard time putting my finger on why something is wrong, but I know that it is wrong.) Anyway, thank you.

    • Nicole says:

      Thank you for the encouragement! I’ve really been burdened about this topic the last month or so. It definitely doesn’t tickle ears, but is something I think we should consider.

  2. Yvonne Chase (@ItsYvonneChase) says:


    Thank you for saying THIS: “Just as Satan deceived Eve, I fear that he is doing the same exact thing now by deceiving ladies. He tells us that our controlling tendencies are a good thing. This is simply awful! The deceiver is pulling ladies away from their Biblical roles, and to a place where they pit themselves against their husbands. Marriages are being destroyed, and families are being torn apart.”

    I’ve said those words repeatedly to anyone who will listen. Satan is deceiving women and it’s to our own detriment. Women will not like the results of this unruly controlling behavior. Marriages are being destroyed and homes are being torn apart.

    God help us…

  3. Katy says:

    Being a submissive wife is biblical and super important!! I highly recommend “The Excellent Wife” by Martha Peace. It is a wonderful book that tells us how to be loving, Godly, submissive wives! The book “Homemaking” by JR Miller is great as well….it is an older book but definitely worth the read!!! 🙂 Have you ever checked out Lori Alexander’s blog? I think you would enjoy it as well! It is called “The Transformed Wife”. Have a lovely week!

    • Nicole says:

      Thank you Katy, you too! I own the book “The Excellent Wife,” but have not read it yet. I plan to very soon. Thank you so much for stopping by!

  4. enpteens says:

    I can assure you that you are speaking to me at a time such as this. I too am a recent widow. My late husband of 4.5 months died in a bad car accident. But I was married for 14.5 years before him and submission was far from my mind. I felt like if my ex-husband didn’t want to be the head, then I’m just going to do it instead of being his help mate and praying for him and our marriage. Thank you again for these words of wisdom. They couldn’t come at a better time.

  5. emilygrobler says:

    Wow so glad I found your blog. Why is it that submissive Biblical women are so hard to find these days? It seems as though just 100 years ago you weren’t considered crazy to encourage a woman to submit to her husband and be yielded to his will. But I find myself oftentimes shunned and vilified for promoting this wonderful design of God’s will. God bless and I look forward to reading more of your posts!

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