Honestly, I never wanted to write this post. This is my miscarriage story. A story that I would like to hide in the depths of my soul and never speak of again. The gentle promptings of the Holy Spirit have awakened a desire however. A desire to share my story, so that possibly women will hear and learn from my anguishing mistake.
It was late May 2005. My husband and I had been married for two glorious months. I was on the birth control pill at the beginning of our marriage, since having a baby wouldn’t be the wisest decision so soon after marriage. I had been a widow for almost two years, and we were raising three small children from my previous marriage. We decided to throw caution to the wind however, and I stopped taking the pill.
I basically became pregnant immediately. We were overjoyed! Everything seemed to be going well. I made an appointment to see my obstetrician at the five week mark and set about my days with an inner glow knowing that a small life was growing inside of me.
Just a few days later, I began to feel different. Moody. I began to cry at the slightest thing. This wasn’t consistent with my other pregnancies at all. Although I grew slightly concerned, I brushed it off.
The morning of my obstetric appointment I ran a package to the post office in town. Once I was out and about, I knew something was wrong. I called my doctor, and they asked me to come in right away. An ultrasound confirmed my fears that my baby was… gone. At the same time a blood test confirmed that I had been pregnant.
I just sat in tears in that doctors office. Falling apart. The ultrasound technician was very kind, but my obstetrician thought that I had lost my mind. You weren’t very far along, she said. You will be fine and have other babies. This happens quite often if couples do not wait several months after coming off of the pill before trying to conceive.
What was that? The pill caused this? Oh, yes, she said. The birth control pill causes the uterus to become very inhospitable to a newly conceived baby.
At that moment, I knew that although accidental, a choice I had made killed my baby. I alone was guilty. Miscarriages are called spontaneous abortions. That is what my actions did to my child.
I know good and well that miscarriages are actually quite common. I truly believe that God has a purpose for all miscarriages that begin by no fault of the mother. This scenario was different however. My selfishness had caused this.
Selfishness is sin. Not believing God’s Word concerning children is sin. My sin made a mess and the consequences were great. That’s what sin does. It lies, it steals, it destroys. It will not rest until it pushes a deep, dark wedge between ourselves and God.
Jeremiah 1:5 says, Before I formed you in the womb I knew you… This tells us that God knows us before He places us in our mother’s womb. Psalm 139:13 says, For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. This tells us that God is the master Creator of new babies. And I snuffed out His creating hand like I knew best.
We all know God is sovereign. I could say, God could have stopped this from happening. He can do all things! Therefore, it’s not my fault. My choice made while in sin caused this however. I chose to upset the reproductive system which He created perfectly to compliment His plan for my life.
I was told to come back in a week for another blood test to confirm that the miscarriage had completed. I did, and it had. I became very depressed during what should have been such a happy time in my life. My husband tried his best to console me, but I was still just…brokenhearted. I became pregnant again about a month and a half later with our sweet and vibrant fourth child. She lifted my spirits immensely. The hurt was still there however, and when my daughter was one I began having panic attacks. I only had a few episodes, but one night I ended up in the emergency room. That was my breaking point. I knew something had to be done, and I knew who I needed to turn to.
Jesus. I cried out to Him, and God forgave me. He comforted me. He again made me whole. Forgiveness is worthless if you do not purpose to turn from your sin. And so I did. We are now a family of ten. Raising a large family isn’t always easy, but I’m so thankful for each and every one of my children. The Lord knew exactly what He was doing when He added each one to our family.
I’ve compiled a small resource of information concerning birth control below, if you feel compelled to take a look.
The Birth Control Movement
The birth control movement as we know it today was championed by Margaret Sanger, the founder of Planned Parenthood, and the creator of the birth control pill. Ms. Sanger believed in eugenics and promoted outright sexual promiscuity.
The following are quotes by Margaret Sanger:
The most merciful thing that the large family does to one of its infant members is to kill it.
Birth control must lead ultimately to a cleaner race.
We should hire three or four colored ministers, preferably with social-service backgrounds, and with engaging personalities. The most successful educational approach to the Negro is through a religious appeal. We don’t want the word to go out that we want to exterminate the Negro population, and the minister is the man who can straighten out that idea if it ever occurs to any of their more rebellious members.
A woman’s duty: To look the whole world in the face with a go-to-hell look in the eyes… to speak and act in defiance of convention.
Women of the working class, especially wage workers, should not have more than two children at most. The average working man can support no more and the average working woman can take care of no more in decent fashion.
www.thebirthcontrolmovie.com is an amazing resource that describes the origins of birth control.
Birth control pills are considered a Group 1 carcinogen by the World Health Organization, and is in the same category as cigarettes.
Birth Control as an Abortifacient
The combination pill contains both artificial estrogen and progesterone, while the mini pill contains only progesterone. Artificial estrogen suppresses ovulation most of the time, while progesterone doesn’t suppress ovulation at all! The progesterone causes the lining of the uterus to become thin and shriveled so when a newly conceived baby tries to implant, it cannot. It eventually starves to death and dies.
IUDs prevent newly conceived babies from implanting as well, and as a result they die. IUDs primary function is to prevent implantation, and they still allow conception!
The words “contraception, sterilization, and abortion” are always used together. They are a threesome in feminist and humanist literature. They use these three weapons for the same purpose-to eliminate children! As Christians, we have tried to separate contraception and sterilization from the issue of abortion. But they all have the same purpose. In fact, abortion is a back-up plan to eliminate life if contraception and sterilization are not successful.
~ Be Fruitful and Multiply p. 153 by Nancy Campbell
Other Thoughts Concerning Birth Control
“Fifty-nine modern nations are plagued by the high-tech benefits of birth-control pills. Each of them have waged a cultural war against babies. Each of them suffer below-replacement birthrates. Each of them face potential extinction. But concerns such as national suffering, dangerous international geopolitics and the disappearance of entire nations are matters that would require mature thinking – something that was successfully bred-out of the American people when they accepted the pill as, in the words of Hugh Hefner, the greatest invention of the 20th century.”
Check out this great article by Generation Cedar, Crying Out for More Children?
God’s design is perfect. He is the creator of the universe. He creates each human being. When we use artificial birth control means, we are attempting to limit the power of the Creator. Should we desire to control the Creator’s hand?
~paraphrased from Lisa who blogs at http://www.a2ndgenerationofhomeschooling.com/
Conception is a visitation from God! Take a look at Genesis 21:1 and 1 Samuel 2:20-21.
God gives life, while Satan takes it. Which will we choose? The Lord loves to bless us by multiplying our numbers. Take a look at Genesis 32:12, Deuteronomy 6:3, 7:13, 13:7, 28:11a, 28:63a, 30:5, 30:9, 30:15-16, Psalm 115:12-15
Resources for Reversals
Take a look at A Reversal Story from Bambi at In The Nursery of the Nation.
Thank you so much for stopping by! I would love to connect with you on Facebook. I’d also like to invite you to my Mary & Martha Facebook Page, and to my Mary & Martha website. It is a such a blessing to serve you!